i think i ve alot t say tday. tday dear nd me took mc nd didn't g work because we r sick. dear's throat is not feeling well nd my eyes is infected. i can't wear contacts nd make ups for at least 5 days. but t me e maximum is 5 days. i nearly die ystd w/o any make ups but dear insisted on not letting me put any make up on my eyes. i know ta shi wei le wo hao.. but my face really look veh pale w/o make ups especially my eyes. i really don't know how am i gg t survive tmr. plus e worst thing is i need t wear specs lor. fucking troublesome. but i ve got no choice. luckily sun is my off day nd i hope by tues i can wear contacts nd make ups alr. (: anyw i feel veh bad now. i don't know y. i think is because of wad jessie had said. i feel guilty nd abit angry at e same time. i know it's our bad t mc together but we r really sick. not keng one lea. wad dear said make sense.. he said wen they need ppl we got g back nd work for them nd sometimes work extra hrs also. ima not saying that we r not at fault. i just feel that she is abit over agitated. she don't want t put us work same lvl anymore. ): seriously wen she put us work same lvl we got work mah. we never eat snake lea. even if we partner together we also got do swee swee for them. we whr got slack right. just because we took mc for 1 day nd she is doing this t us now i think is abit exaggerating. but on e other hand mayb tday they really short staff or need ppl t ot or wad that's y she is so angry? nd i know kent is veh important t them. mayb we r not in their position that's y we don't know their difficulties. hais. wad t do now. wad has been done cnt b undone. if things really make until veh nan kan thn mayb i will consider changing t another hotel or change a different job. i know ima thinking abit too far or too much but ima just planning for e worst. i just hope things will b fine soon. ystd i don't feel good at all nd i cried. it has been a long time since i last cry in a r/s. quite a number of ppl were shocked because my face was veh pale nd this alr made my mood veh down nd i found out that he still keeps e ring which really made me cried. i don't wanna 'check' ur wallet my dear boy. it's because wen u opened it nd i saw smth that's y. i took alot of courage t look at it. actually i don't want t c but i know i will keep thinking abt it nd i want t make things clear. hais. bu jiang hai mei you shi, yi jiang dao wo jiu hen bu kai xin. seriously i mind, if not i won't even mention abt it. u know how it feels like. a r/s that was alr over for 1 yr nd e ring was inside ur wallet. u know this can make me feel how much u had loved her in e past.. sorry i know i shldn't say all this but this is how i feel. nd this blog is veh private so no worries. just let me say.. ok? i know in a r/s there will definitely b hurts nd pains nd ima prepared t face it all. ima just not prepared t lose u.. i think i really can't. i know ima relying on u nd no doubts, i really love u. it's not because ima used t having u by my side. just now u told me t always stay by ur side nd i asked u y. u said it's because u need me. i asked u y u need me nd u said it's because ima veh important t u. just this veh simple conversation between us can make me feel touched..
ima sorry i promised i won't keep on scratching my hand alr.
ima sorry i promised i won't keep on rubbing my eyes alr.
ima sorry i promised next time i will not dao or ignored u alr. i will talk things out w u k.
ima sorry i promised i will control my temper k.

ima not perfect but i will do my best t b almost perfect for u..

kent asked me t update more nd let him c. since ima so free now i decided t update abit. (: tday he never g sch because he's sick! ): i think he didn't ve enuff rest that's y. nd ima waiting for him now because we r gg t c doc. later cnt make up i really bth. my face confirm veh chui one. but no choice. work was ok ystd but my mood was bad thru out e dinner. i ignored dear.. ima not really that angry but i just don't know wad t say. ima really disappointed. i don't know. mayb ima too sensitive. but ima like that de mah. if i don't express it out or voice out i feel veh bu shuang. if i do it, i feel veh guilty. wad shld i do.. it is not that i don't trust him. ima just jealous k.. but no matter wad happen, i still love him e same. ((:

i love u more than u will ever know
i love u more than u will ever see
more than my heart could ever show
i love u more than u will ever know

veh long never update alr. since kent is waiting for me t post i shall post first before i g bath. my life seems t b pretty peaceful now but i think smth is gg t happen soon. but i really can't b bothered because our thinking is totally different wen it comes t that matter. anyw, i think alot of ppl will think that wo hen bu hui xiang because i never g tk my exams but seriously i got think one ok. like wad shld i do nd stuff. but i can't think of any lor. i think i shld save money now nd g private sch or smth. i know i can't stop here. but even if i g private sch i might not b able t cope also. veh ma fan la. i don't know wad i want also. think i must talk t dad nd mum nd c wad they think is best for me now. i think my eng veh chui now. never g sch like brain cnt function alr. ma de.

e best proof of love is trust.. (:

didn't update for 2 wks alr. too many things happened recently nd i don't know whr shld i start from. anyw nowadays ppl de antenna all veh long horh. whatever shit i do will spread veh fast lo. ma de. lcb. tmr is e last paper for Ns nd ima not gg too since i had missed all my papers except for eng nd chi which we took quite sometime ago. nd i didn't g t sch nd tk e rest of e papers was because smth personal happened alright. i alr paid for e papers of course smth happened that's y never g la, right. but seriously speaking, even if i g i definitely won't pass also la. haahaas. work was veh fucked up this few days la. but for e sake of money must tahan abit lo. haas.

sometimes i will ask myself, 'did i regret falling in love w u?' nd my answer is no. seriously some things really hurt me but there's nth i can say. it all depends on u. i ve no right t say, t grumble, t angry or even t confront u. wo bu zhi dao ni xin li shi zhen yang xiang de. you shi wo hui jue de hen nan shou. dan shi wo ye mei ban fa. dui ni hao shi wo wei yi ke yi zuo de shi. wo zhen de xi wang ni kai xin.