decided t come nd post while waiting for my show t load finish. tmr is darling's first day of work. don't know how is it gg t b. will it b good? can he adapt? will it b too tiring for him? will he b happy working there? many many things r running thru my mind. for e past few days, i had cried million of times. even he said that he is afraid seeing me crying so often. i don't wanna cry but i just can't seem t stop my tears from flowing down. i can't deny that e face that he is gg t a new work place is affecting me. i tried t trust him nd i really want t but pls understand that it's really difficult for me t do so. it takes alot of time nd patience t build up e trust. it's not so simple but i will still try. another thing which is really bothering me is very, very private nd confidential so i ve decided not t write here. whatever it is gonna b, ima still gg t take it. i just wanna earn e money now. darling slept at 9.30pm tday because he didn't ve enuff sleep ystd nd tmr he will b working so he needs plently of rest. i looked at him sleeping nd i started crying. nd it's really crying.. not only tears flowing down. it's smth much more thn that. i really wanted t wake him up nd hug him nd cry but i know he is feeling scare seeing me crying everyday so i ve decided not t. i know if he sees me crying agn, he will thnk that he never tk good care of me, failed t make me happy that kind of things. i really don't want him t think this way because no matter how much i cry, no matter how tough this month gonna b, having him by my side is really e best thing ever. if u ever think that u r making me unhappy agn nd agn, pls rmb those times wen u never failed t make me laugh, make me smile. ima always e one making myself unhappy. sometimes it's just not u. if u ever feel useless agn, pls rmb those times wen u protected me from all e hurts, ppl bullying me, nd never failed t get me wad i want at anytime of e day. if u ever feel that ima unhappy moving out or being together w u, pls rmb those really happy times we had nd i promise there will b more nd more happy times we r gg t share together. rmb wen we were not together yet. rmb wen we went drinking together. rmb whr u will always bring me t wen ima drunk. rmb every night how we hug each other t sleep. rmb how much i always talk before i sleep. rmb how i wake u up every morning. nd rmb that wen u r thinking did i regret moving out w u, i might b thinking e same thing too.... sometimes i really wish t know, did u ever regret? mayb u r still more comfortable leading e life u used t ve. hanging out w friends nd stuff. now u need t find a full time working long hrs everyday nd working 6 days per wk. ima more nd more afraid now. but don't worry because ima gg t work harder thn u. although no matter how much i work i still cnt earn as much as u but i will try my very best t lighten ur burden. i will still pay half of e rent, i will get whatever i want myself, i will save up some money, i will try t b e one paying for our dates. i know u might feel sad or unhappy reading this but i don't ve e intention t ji jiao w u that kind of things. i just want t help by lightening ur burden so that u don't feel so much stress while working nd u will ve a few hundred t save every month for ur studies in e future. i don't know if i can do it but ima really willing t give it a try. i can work 6 days per wk too just t get e money. hopefully our r/s will get better after working in different enviroment as there won't b so much of conflicts nd mayb we will cherish e hrs or even mins we can spend together each day more thn how much we had cherish in e past. nd 1 very last nd important thing, if u feeling like spending time w ur friends nd stuff, pls, just tell me. i know u will only ve 1 off day in e future nd it will b fixed timing so it will b even harder for u t spend time w me nd ur friends. but it doesnt mean that u ve t acc me every mon. u can spend it w ur friends. i don't want ur friends t think that u r neglecting them because of me all that. i don't wish t c this happen. so just let me know. we need t b honest nd true......... i don't know wad's happening t me. it seems like i can no longer tk up so much of stress alr. perhaps i need a good rest. but i know nth nd nobody can help me except for myself. sighhhh.............. looking at u sleeping.... i just wanna say good night nd ve a good rest. i miss u so much.